4 Tips for Co-parenting with Maturity and Grace
Effective co-parenting is crucial for your child’s mental and emotional well-being. But that often involves navigating complex emotions. The early stages of co-parenting are often high-conflict, anxiety-inducing periods. It’s crucial that you overcome your negative feelings toward your ex when trying to establish a healthy co-parenting relationship. Here’s how.
Redefine Your Relationship With Your Co-parent
Putting aside your emotions about your break-up is a critical skill, especially in the early stages of co-parenting. Aim to establish a more neutral, businesslike relationship with your ex. Just like in business, it’s a nice bonus to be friends with your coworkers, but it isn’t always feasible and isn’t necessary to building a good working relationship.
Shift your mindset to see your co-parent as your partner – not in life or romance, but in rearing your child. It’s easier said than done, but it’s a good place to start.
Understand and Accept Your Child’s Love for Their Other Parent
It can be hard to hear your child talk positively about your co-parent, especially if you’ve had a rocky relationship with your ex. But never interfere with your child’s ability to spend time with their other parent (unless you have a concrete reason to suspect abuse or mistreatment). Resist the urge to talk badly about their other parent; this can damage your child in ways you might not even realize.
Never put your child in the middle or use them as a messenger. Never vent to your child about your co-parent. That’s what friends, therapists, and even attentive pets are for.
Make Room for Differing Parenting Styles
Transitioning from being the primary caregiver to your child and working as a team to having 2 separate households is a challenging shift for most parents. Give your ex the same respect you want from them, accepting your different parenting styles.
Pick your battles. If you home-make your child’s lunch every day and discover your co-parent sends your child to school with Lunchables or convenience foods, consider whether that’s worth an argument before you bring up your concerns to your co-parent. Your child will adapt to the different styles better than you think. In fact, some kids actually benefit from it.
Put Your Child’s Needs First
Co-parenting can feel far from ideal; most people never dream of co-parenting with their ex. But keep your child’s wellbeing at the forefront of your mind. Studies have shown that stressors and instability during the early stages of development can lead to children’s bodies overproducing the stress hormone cortisol, which changes your child’s brain structure, impact their impulse control, and can contribute to developing depression.
Now, this isn’t to scare you as a parent. It’s to remind you that your child’s physical and mental health come first. Although co-parenting can be frustrating, it’s still possible to raise a happy, healthy child whose parents don’t live together.
If you’re struggling with negative feelings about your ex or the particularities of co-parenting, therapy can provide a safe space to unpack those emotions. I offer co parent counseling and an online co parent support group. Contact me today to schedule a free consultation session.
